her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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