But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
