I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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