you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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