do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
