Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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