Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
