You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
