Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this beer tastes like vomit already
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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