I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
