Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
