There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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