I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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