I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
