Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
