haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
