We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
