oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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