People with herpes should wear stickers.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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