my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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