Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
