Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
