If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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