naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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