whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
