you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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