Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
