I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
