i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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