Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
