plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
