I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
