we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
