I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pants are for mortals
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
