the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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