I'm lost and stupid without you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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