Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
