Just cropdusted the office
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
