I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
