We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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