Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
