so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
