They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
