One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
