She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
