Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
