and you said cock pushups were impossible
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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