I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
