Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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