im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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