I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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