I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
