i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
