my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
