yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
