Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
